Sex is a funny thing. We all start as kids, being confused about that weird feeling down there when we see something arousing. Then, we start acting on that weird feeling by touching ourselves. Our first sexual experience happens in the so-called one-pump missionary position. Maybe doggy if we’re especially naughty.
That’s how it starts, and it doesn’t stick around that stop for long. By the time we’re old and our libido dies before we do, we can’t get off unless it’s extremely messed up and odd. You know, tying-a-belt-around-your-neck-and-having-an-eggplant-up-your-ass odd.
The more we explore sex and our sexual preferences, the more we realize how many fetishes there are. One of the most common kinks is BDSM. It’s a fantasy that relies on the psychological side of our sexuality. BDSM involves two partners playing two very different roles — a submissive and a dominant one. We call them a sub and a dom. Which one are you?
Are you a dom or a sub?
BDSM folk like to say that you’re either into BDSM or you haven’t tried it yet. We’re not going to go down that road. If you’re not into it, that’s completely fine. However, it is true that all of us have a psychological preference to be either a sub or a dom.
How can you tell which role would fit you better? Well, that’s simple — were you horny whenever your father beat you? We’re only joking, although oftentimes, it does stem from the family.
As the words suggest, the dom likes to dominate during sex, while the sub likes to submit to their partner’s will. However, this is not (necessarily) about being a sissy. Sexual domination doesn’t pour over into other parts of our lives. Furthermore, your choice is not set in stone. There are a lot of people who are dominant with one partner and submissive with another.
The most important thing is to accept yourself and be happy with it. While the society of old may frown upon it, it’s perfectly fine to be a sub. No, you’re not gay if you like your wife ordering you around. It is what it is. Being a sex slave doesn’t make you an actual slave. Essentially, BDSM is a predetermined ritual during which nothing happens that both parties are not comfortable with.
Now that that’s out of the way, let’s talk about said ritual. As you’ve probably seen in videos, BDSM couples have a lot of accessories at their disposal. Some of them are sexual aids (i.e., toys), while others are there to symbolize partners’ roles. Let’s talk about submission symbols.
The symbol of submission
A symbol can be anything, from the things you wear to the way you behave. For instance, calling your dom a master/goddess is also a symbol of your submissiveness. You can also indicate submission by kneeling when they’re in the room or taking lipstick and writing “slave” across your chest.
However, most commonly, submission symbols come in the shape of accessories. These items serve the purpose of taking the control away from you and putting it in your dom’s hands. This can mean literally or psychologically. For example, they can use handcuffs to tie you down or stop you from using your hands. A ball gag is also a popular choice as it stops you from talking and saying “no” to what they want to do. Remember, this is also consensual; they won’t do something you’d actually say no to.
Depending on what you’re into, you can also wear a chastity belt or a cock ring. This way, you can’t get an erection even when you’re aroused. It symbolizes the fact that the dom is completely in charge when you get to orgasm.
Finally, the most popular symbol is a BDSM collar, which shows instantly that you’re not the boss.
What is a BDSM collar?
A BDSM collar is, as the word says, a collar you wear to express your status in a BDSM relationship. It’s usually a black leather band with a D-ring they can attach a leash to. You know, like an actual collar. People also use chokers or other necklaces. It’s not really a sexual item; it just symbolizes your submissiveness.
What’s so fascinating about wearing a collar?
So why do people do it? As we’ve said already, BDSM is all about playing your role and realizing your fantasies. A collar is a great way to transfer power to your dom. With a collar around your neck, you have a feeling of being owned by someone else. With a leash on, you’ll feel like you’re their pet if that’s your thing. It’s important to say subs wear collars only when it’s appropriate and agreed upon. It’s rare that people wear it all the time.
Usually, either a dom asks a sub to wear one or the sub asks whether they “deserve” to get it.
Wearing a collar could probably be one of the best experiences only if you have the right fit for you. You could probably see that there are shops online which could totally be a life-changer. Make sure that you don’t settle for less because BDSM is something that you should remember.
Can it make the relationship stronger?
A symbol such as a collar is great for strengthening your BDSM fantasy, especially if both partners are newcomers to the game. It will help you get in the mood and the role. However, this isn’t restricted solely to the bedroom. It can make your entire relationship stronger!
As you explore your sexuality together and push each other’s boundaries, your relationship will be more trusting and comfortable. When you find your new limits, you will appreciate and love the one who was there when you did it.
Erotic and romantic
Wearing a collar is not just about strapping it on your neck during sex and throwing it away when you’re done. Sure, it can be that, but if it’s a true symbol of your relationship, you’ll treat it differently. There’s a ritual behind getting a collar. Some people go as far as making a collar ceremony, which effectively replaces a wedding. Instead of putting a ring on their finger, you place a collar around their neck.
The ceremony is both romantic and erotic as it symbolizes advancement in your relationship. And since it’s a BDSM collar, it’s highly sexual as well.